KNOCKOUT HUMOR
Knockout Humor: Spreading and Igniting Humor, Laughter and Chuckles Out Into the Universe.!
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HOROSCOPES
Aquarius
Your moon has seen better days. Today you can finally tell your mother what you really think and how she ruined your life. Demand reimbursement for your therapy bills. Blame her for being the cold-hearted monster you always knew her to be. Yell loudly! Tell Mom how she emasculated you or make up something. If Mom is not alive, try being a Leo today.
Sagittarius
Stars are everywhere but you are a total failure. Don’t answer the phone or go online. Say very little. You pissed off too many folks and you know what they say about “payback.” If possible, consider relocation options and don’t tell anyone.
Taurus
A meteor from a number of planets is headed for you and from multiple angles. Did you have to tell grandma that it was time to put her in a home? Have a little heart. Your mother was going to do that anyway.
Capricorn
Your galaxy is rather empty. No one is interested in you. Hey, it happens. Move on. Other options include: don’t move on.
Libra
Your solar sun has never been warmer. Unfortunately, it is not facing you. If you think your life has no purpose, do not seek support from others-as they will surely agree with you. Go see a movie or something.
Cancer
Heaven awaits you but not in this lifetime. Try attempting being nice to someone. Everyone really hates you. Seek forgiveness but don’t expect much.
Pisces
That big piece of cheesecake in your solar eclipse today -- really screwed you. This could have been a big day. Don’t bother dieting anymore. Embrace your fat and go up another size. It’s not the end of the world. No one is paying attention anyway.
Scorpio
Planet Mars circled your biggest star but didn’t find ANYTHING interesting --Romance? Please! No one will even look at you. Explore a hobby. Loneliness is your friend.
Gemini
Uranus is ready to stick it to you. Someone really “liked” you at the office. Regrettably, the little darling was laid off last month along with 9000 others. Keep guessing.
Leo
A storm is brewing -- a re-birth. Prove to everyone that you have more intelligence than a tank of gas. Second chances rarely come. Do something already! Otherwise, send your resume to Wasted Energy Inc. because you are a total and complete waste. Even the cat is annoyed.
Aries
Are you looking for a soul mate? Hope not. Nothing very appealing out there-and let’s face it-- in your case-ordinary is as good as it gets. Spend more time with yourself and get used to it.
Virgo
Your Scorpio moon really beat the daylights out of you. Take some vitamins and drink more alcohol. This combination is certain to keep you dazed, confused and unaware of how pathetic your life truly is right now. And in your case, that’s a good thing.
Copyright © 2013 Robb. Brown & Stuart Jerris - KNOCKOUT HUMOR